Posted by: the warrioress | October 19, 2011

Heartwrenching

I’ve got tears in my eyes as I write this — I never realized how difficult it would be to feel as if I’m saying goodbye to those whom I’ve really cared about, who evidently really cared about me as well, who took our friendship seriously.

One of them, Dave (Trinity), has already commented on these blogs of mine. He stood up for me by writing a blog there this morning to counter the horrific blog put out by another bully/troll on that same MD dating site.  I never got to view that ugly blog RC wrote and perhaps it’s just as well. The moderator there deleted both Dave and RC’s blogs. Dave’s blog did not break the rules but of course, Dave was standing up for me, so apparently his blog had to go.  Go figure.

Dave gave me a copy of what he had written in his comment here. It was so moving to read his words and it is just now settling in how lucky I am to have touched the lives of some of the people that I’m now getting to know much better.

I had a look over there on MD a little while ago and to my astonishment saw that Jankia had also written a blog directly to me!  Apparently the moderator had done away with my profile, thus all of the mail I sent to various people last night was also done away with before they were able to view it, potentially. Several are asking Jankia for my email address over there, it would seem.

For those reading, my email address is BibleWarrioress@aol.com and it’s not really a state secret so feel free to use and share it with anyone that may want to contact me directly; I don’t mind at all.

Jankia has written a lovely blog tonight and it settled my agitation as I read it, because before I came upon it,  I read something else in the MD forum that disturbed me quite a bit.  I realized that Jankia always has been good at calming me down with his wise words and brings me back to a level-headed place of self control instead of the hot-headed person I can occasionally be when I get mad.

More and more I learn from some of the Christians at MD who have taught me so much about real Christianity. They walk their talk to the best of their ability. They are really in love with Jesus Christ, and I admire their Christian walk so much. I want to be like them and I feel the bonds of true family reaching across the miles, despite our  never having met in person.

I’m so sorry that you’ve been put into the middle on this thing, Jankia, between your former and current friends and myself. I know that some of your friends don’t like me and have clashed with me. Many of them don’t understand me. Hopefully, they will feel as I do though, that it doesn’t matter whether your friends and I get along or we don’t;  the fact of the matter is that none of us should be able to stand to see you suffer and so should strive not to allow you to be put into a tug-of-war between us, attempting to make you take sides out of our egos.

Your wisdom astounds me and I know you can make your own wise, valid decisions in this regard, and I trust in that.

Again, this blog is just to thank those of you who have really been here for me and who are continuing to be. There are more of you than I would have ever imagined. IB4U, Angel, and so many others, I hope you are reading and if you aren’t, I hope someone will see that you read this somehow. I miss you and I love you.

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Posted by: the warrioress | October 19, 2011

Standing up for myself

I took some action that may or may not have been wise, but I felt that I had to discuss many falsehoods and intentional misleading commentary that was being shared about me at that former home of mine, MD.  I felt that to move on from it that I had to set the record straight.  I also wanted to write a letter to the moderator there and make clear how wrong I thought he was for the inconsistencies he’s engaged in, and the heavy-handed approach he takes with Christians, in particular.

I wanted to share my new locale with some of the friends I had made there so that I would not lose touch with any of them, so that they would know that I’m all right. I wanted them to see that I’m bouncing back, slowly but surely.  Truly, I was hurt over the action taken there against me, and I still am on many levels.  I was angry too because I didn’t understand the absolute unfairness of the matter and how it all was handled.

I was dealt with so coldly, with no compassion or understanding, and not even any attempt to communicate with me; I think this was the biggest problem I had with the thing. I expected so much more out of the MD moderator than I received.  I guess I thought that I really mattered as one of the members there to him.  How wrong I was.

Anyway, it hurt.

Well, I’ve said my piece  now, even though it will be wiped away very soon, and I’ve no real reason to return there.  I want to close the door on that place for the time being, I guess.  It’s time to move ahead and just forgive and attempt to forget.  I got to say my goodbyes and communicate with most of those I care about again, so now… I’m moving forward, or at least I will try to do so.  I’m not saying I’ll never write about that place again because I have no doubt I will, but I want to positively focus upon the good things I’m finding despite what happened at MD, and the new possibilities for the future — this blog mainly for one.

Another thing is that I’m really in awe of that other place I’ve found (Christian site) and I think I’ve really managed to discover a place where I can learn a wealth of knowledge from some amazing, REAL Christians, who take their beliefs as seriously as I do. And they seem really kind, pleasant, and loving! I don’t see the same kind of pettiness, gossipy behavior, and game-playing that I’ve had to deal with in the past most recently.

I think I could really grow in my Christianity at that place. I’m really looking forward to this.

Going to church at my neighborhood church hasn’t been the best experience because I don’t have a lot in common with some of the people there and it’s such a small church.  There are no singles or divorced people my age. Finding that new Christian site is really going to be something that I think may help me more than anything else, short of time spent with God in prayer, the bible, etc.

Anyway, life is looking up and I hope all begins to work out better, despite these bumps in the road of late. I am forging ahead and hoping for the best!

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Posted by: the warrioress | October 18, 2011

Learning About Real Friendship

I’ve discovered some interesting things about friendship after my experience of leaving MD. I didn’t have a lot of friends on that site, but I had some that were and are definitely more than mere acquaintances. These people actually cared about me. Some of them are married or are in serious long-term relationships.  Despite this, these people stood up for me when I was treated badly at MD and they always backed me up over and over; they continue to do that very thing as of today even!

I post an exclamation point because it still kind of surprises me in the times we’re living in, when people betray their own family and children at the drop of a hat. Yet I’ve discovered that I actually selected some truly loyal friends. If only these people were nearer to me, distance-wise. I can only imagine if I had actually been able to meet Jankia and his lady, Brenda, or could have gotten to know Jeff and his wife-to-be, in person.

These are the kinds of people whom one could live a long while knowing and caring for. They are just really “good people.” And there were others.. too many to name here in this one entry, but I won’t forget the times that they stood by me and continue to do so.  Servant of Christ and Suthn’man … were loyal, sincere friends whom I will stay in touch with indefinitely, thankfully.

And there are those who shocked me….

There was one in particular whom I thought was someone who would never turn upon me, who I believed would be by my side until the end of my time on this earth. I suppose I was overestimating what I believed Larry and I shared, despite the fact that we never spoke off of the site, but I considered this gentleman to really be someone I could count on, who considered me a true friend.

Imagine my shock when I found that he turned on me completely and didn’t even recognize what was perpetrated by the moderation there and the pack of God-hating bullies that were consistently on my tail day in and day out.  Of course, this man remained in the blogging side of the site so he missed a lot, but I expected that he knew me, that our friendship meant more to him than how he treated it when all was said and done. I was pretty stunned at the backstabbing and lack of anything resembling understanding he offered after I departed. He just dug that knife in deeper via the written word.  Live and learn, I guess.

There were those who I thought were probably pretty good people, who showed their true, gossipy colors after I left the site.  They laughed and made cruel jokes at my expense. A few of them actually claimed they were Christians, which was really kind of astonishing. And certain others  blatantly told outright lies about me and I couldn’t even defend myself without returning to the site to attempt to. I no longer had much if any desire to do so. When one watches one’s self be consistently demeaned and lied about though, even after one has departed, it’s hard not to speak up for one’s self.

Gossips on the site claimed I had created other profiles and that my original one, Southernlass, wasn’t the only one. They claimed I didn’t believe in communicating with others who are not Christian and mouthed off several other falsehoods. They believed they saw me at the site in countless fake profiles, and this was really kind of amusing. The woman who is still obsessed with me saw me here, there, and practically everywhere; yet I was nowhere to be seen on that site!

I observed some pretty ugly behavior that surprised me because I try to see the good in most, when possible, and I didn’t see a lot of good out of several;  I saw some disappointing, petty, immature behavior that doesn’t show the best of human nature.

It may take time to move forward and leave that internet locale completely behind me, mentally-speaking.  When we stay somewhere a long time, it can become a part of us and that place initially did become a part of me, as did some of the people there. Unfortunately, it was not what I thought it was…

It was ruined for me by poor, unfair, biased moderation that was heavy-handed and terribly inconsistent, as well as a group of troll-like bullies who freely act as they wish, with impunity.  They actually intimidate the membership with the moderator’s blessing, apparently. There is little one can do when this is the case so I am moving on to the next of life’s lessons and the companions that these will bring me.

I will remember and fondly think of those who remain my friends, who treated me well, however, …always. Thank you again, to those of you who did so;  I won’t forget you. I hope you will keep up with me here.

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Posted by: the warrioress | October 17, 2011

Leaving MD

It’s been a little while now since I left, or it feels that way, at any rate.

I had been there for quite literally years – three to be exact. I had considered it a community, almost a neighborhood, a sanctuary, a place that was like a second home. After sustaining a serious injury that impacted my ability to get around, being welcome there began to seem pretty important, (probably more important than I should have ever allowed it to become).

There was a problem with my membership there and that problem can be basically summed up in a few words.

I’m a bible-believing Christian.

What this means is that I believe the bible is the god-breathed, inspired ‘word of God.’ I believe what the scripture says about it. I don’t believe that the words within the bible are in error. I believe that we have been offered something that was written by the faithful many years ago in order to guide us. What we choose to do with those words as they relate to our lives is strictly up to us.

These beliefs were a  problem for many at my former home on the internet. I was challenged because of my beliefs on a daily basis by a host of trolls and would-be bullies, who were simply not happy unless they were crapping in my proverbial Cheerios. They proceeded to bait, taunt, and terrorize me. If I dared stand up for myself, I was immediately reported to the biased moderation team of one, (this is all that now remains), and I was promptly disciplined and timed out while the instigators got off scott free; these dysfunctional people were part of a close knit group that had been with the site for a long time and continued their rampage with impunity despite moderation knowing what was occurring. Things went on like this for quite sometime.

Over the many months of my membership, I made several friends and a lot of people really liked me, despite the unceasing trolling that they watched me enduring. I was able to justify staying at that site because the people I primarily considered friends, knew what was going on and supported me. Because of this, it didn’t really matter about the unreasonable, unfair treatment I was tolerating because I felt it was more important that I continue sharing the message I was given, that all Christians are admonished to share, to the best of my ability.

It became more and more impossible, however, and I was increasingly under serious attack by what I can only describe as “God-haters.” These individuals no longer had anything against me personally; they hated me purely and completely because I am a Christian who stands up for and believes the bible. I would correct their intentional erroneous quotations from the bible, along with their twisting completely out of context, the words within the good book. They were engaging in a process of attempting to spread the opposite of what I was sharing. I would blog or post about God, my experiences with God and Jesus Christ, or simply about what is happening in our world today as it relates to Christianity, and my posts or blogs would be attacked, reported, and trolled mercilessly.

There was one troll, in particular, that became quite obsessed with my writings and posts, in that she began to follow me around and actually direct her own writings at that place to me! This was distressing and embarrassing for me. I attempted to ignore her but she became ever more flagrant in her attempts. I eventually had to confront her and in doing so, I found myself sitting alongside of the internet highway, ousted and alone, all of my writings gone, (though I did make copies of most of them). There wasn’t even a warning given, or even any response to my numerous queries about the quite literal persecution I was putting up with up to that point. I was quite simply and plainly “cast out.”

I spent the first week or so of this action “in seclusion.” I suppose one could say that I was meditating on what had occurred and attempting not to take the whole thing too personally. Eventually, I joined a specifically Christian site that is large and welcoming to my kind, and prepared to settle in for the duration. I could not forget what had happened to me, however, and something within me was just not content. Something else needed to happen, but what was it?

I now know what it was.

I was not to stop writing. I was simply to find a new venue to share within where my writings would be appreciated, where I would not be unreasonably censored, where I would be welcomed. I needed to find another home where I could be me and be accepted for who I am, despite my religious beliefs, and my writings would be valued by those who were led to value them. I think I may have found this sheltering place and am sitting within these hallowed internet halls and contemplating my new beginning… here.

Thank you and God bless you, Word Press.

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