life of a female bible warrior

I wonder if anyone else has a tendency to compare their relationship with God to other people’s relationship with God..or rather to compare their Christianity to someone else’s.

Do you ever do this?  I know I do.  And I just hate this about myself.

It’s like a competitive thing or something.  Inwardly it’s an “Am I doing this as right as they appear to be?”  kind of thing. And then the one that never fails, “I’m sure I’m not good enough and God must think I suck at this compared to him/her; he or she is doing this so much better than I am.”

This has to be Satan bombarding my mind with lies when these kind of thoughts are happening to me. Usually I’ll call him on it and tell him to back right off.  See…inside my heart, I know God treasures me and that He’s very pleased with my walk and spiritual growth thus far. I don’t think He cares too much for me comparing my spiritual journey to someone else’s though and feeling that I come up short; this is an insecurity within me that I just hate, that I’m impatient with myself about.

Certainly it’s good to measure our walk up against those whom we admire and look up to for the purpose of improving our walk with Christ; this is how we learn and grow, but I’m writing about something else entirely. I’m writing about a kind of beating ourselves up, of envying someone else and thinking we’re not good enough to please God — that they please Him more than we do.

God doesn’t like it when I allow negativity to impact my experience with Him. How God is able to love each one of us so perfectly and exactly enough is beyond me, but He can, will, and does. We please Him when we open up to Him and admit that we need Him. When we repent our sins, God sees our heart.  He sees everything we hide from the world.  He can love us the way He does because He knows the real us that we show to so few. God knows the deep flaws and imperfections within us.  He knows how well we’re really doing at this Christianity thing. We don’t have to impress God. We really are good enough.

I think God accepts each one of us unconditionally, even when we are screwing things up and failing utterly; still, it must sadden Him when we actually can do better and we aren’t doing better for whatever the reason. We always have another opportunity to try, though. God is not too harsh a judge.

When I see Christian men or women who seem to have it all in their Christian life, who seem to know so much and walk so close  with God & Jesus, who appear to be perfect, (or so it seems), I’ve envied them; I’ve wanted whatever it is that they have with God, to a degree. Thankfully, this is a fleeting emotion an infrequent occurrence for me.

God’s Holy Spirit will usually speak to my heart fairly quickly when I’m being insecure and assure me that while what He and I have may be different, it is just as profound as His relationship with anyone else and it is exactly just right for me.  I settle down when I feel God’s reassurance and His still, strong voice inside my mind.  I snuggle into Him and feel safe and right again.